40 things
I haven’t written in awhile, as I have having some depression issues related to medications, but, I’m feeling better now, and I just celebrated my 40th birthday! My husband set up a really nice weekend for the family at a resort and I actually enjoyed myself. I figured that by 40 I would have it all figured out. I would be a bonafide grown up. I figured that since I am a wise, middle aged, mature woman now (lets all laugh together) I would let you know 40 things I’ve learned in my old age:
What other people think of you is none of your business. If you’re doing what’s best for you, that’s all that matters
Not everyone is going to like you, and you’re not going to like people either. Just treat people kindly, and the right people will surround you.
It is perfectly acceptable that I (or you) was wild in my younger years. I had no kids, wasn’t married, what a perfect time to run amok! There’s no reason to feel ashamed of living and learning.
I wish I traveled more when I was younger. I would have found ways to get money, but I can never get that freedom back
It doesn’t matter when you have kids, get married, go to college etc. Seriously. Life literally just happens the way it happens. Nothing will go the way you plan, sometimes timing isn’t right, sometimes everything falls into place. You just have to make adjustments.
Righty tighty, lefty loosey
If you make decisions with your kids best interest in mind, that’s usually the right decision
Not your body, Not your business. (Seriously, if it has nothing to do with you or your family, then mind your fucking business)
No one is going to save you. People can help and support you, but if you are in a bad or dark spot, you are responsible for taking the necessary steps to better yourself. Want a better career? YOU have to get a better education. Have debilitating depression? YOU need to go to the doctor and therapy. Relationship making you unhappy? YOU need to make personal changes or have to leave it. I’m not saying we can do things alone, but if something is making you miserable, you can’t depend on others to make it better.
The way you look says nothing about your character. But don’t be fooled, looks are relevant. People who are considered attractive usually get treated better. The way you dress is reflective of how you will be treated. Clothes and appearance can convey your attitude. Am I saying it should matter? No, but honestly, it does.
Cut your parents some slack. They are just people. Are they people are that have hurt us sometimes? Absolutely. But, we can’t blame them for everything.
Eat the dessert. I’ve been a skinny person, and I’ve been a fat person. Both versions thought their body wasn’t good enough. At least the fat person had babies and enjoyed some wings and cake. That being said, you will 100% feel better if you eat healthier than eating like garbage all the time.
Learn as much as you can about whatever you can. Most of us know Jack shit about Jack shit.
No feeling is permanent. Not happiness, not sadness, not anger, not hope. Everything could be going wonderfully and tragedy strikes. You could feel like wanting to end things, but the next day, something makes you hopeful. Our lives are an everchanging stream of emotions, and they are all fleeting.
We’re all bad in someone’s story. I fancy myself a pretty decent person, but I’m sure I’ve broken someone’s heart, been a bully to someone, cheated someone out of something, and I’m sure the list goes on. But the only way to deal with that is to move forward being the person you want to be.
No one wants unsolicited advice from you. Ever. Unless someone asks, or it’s an emergency, just keep your mouth shut. Especially about parenting. We all have different values, and personalities-what works for some people doesn’t work for others. And if you’re telling people what to do, it sounds judgmental, not caring.
Understand budgeting, saving, and credit. I never did growing up and I’m paying for it now. I still don’t understand it, and it’s definitely something about me I need to work on.
Call it what you will, alcohol is a drug. Now, I’m not anti-drugs (I am for myself, but not in general), in fact I think all drugs should be decriminalized. Although it’s legal, the effect it has on your mind and body is no different than harmful illegal drugs. A person that drinks occasionally is no different than the person who does cocaine occasionally. Just as the alcoholic is no different than the heroin addict. You are not morally superior because you do legal drugs as opposed to illegal ones.
Everything is relevant to socio-economic status. Any time I ready a study, I can almost always dismiss its relevance because socio-economic status is not a factor.
Every politician is a liar. Even the ones that I feel align the most with my values, are working behind the scenes with special interest groups to get things done. I vote for the person who says they’ll do certain things, but I don’t believe any of them.
Rape is always the rapist fault, never the victims. However, you can make yourself more vulnerable by participating in risky behaviors. Going certain places, consuming certain substances, surrounding yourself with certain people are more likely to put you at risk. Regardless, only a rapist can rape someone, your inebriation, outfit or location can’t cause it to happen.
Ironing is a waste of time.
Someone once asked me, “If you commit suicide, how do you know the pain ends?” , and that really stuck with me. I have my theories on what happens, and what I believe, but in reality, I have no idea what happens after we die. What if I’m stuck in purgatory with this horrible pain forever? Better to just stick it out and hope for the best.
The butterfly effect is real. Think about it: you come from a sperm that would have been a different sperm if your dad spent 30 seconds more double knotting his shoelaces that morning. That’s all it takes for everything to be completely different.
Paying it forward in the drive-thru is stupid. All your doing is paying for the person behind you to pay for the person behind them and it just keeps going. Give the worker a $5 tip instead.
There’s no wrong way to compose a family. The more love there is to go around, the better.
Want to know the top tip for a successful marriage? I have no idea! I love my husband, but that’s just how it started. We’ve built a life that revolves around respect and the ability to let the person change as we’ve gotten older. I literally don’t know what makes one marriage work and one doesn’t can really only be determined by the people in a relationship.
Evolution would’ve taken me out a long time ago if it wasn’t for modern optometry. My blind ass wouldn’t even be able to see a berry to gather it.
Everyone picks their nose, pees in the shower, has pooped their pants etc… even the best looking, smartest, suave people. If anyone is irritating you, just remember, they’ve pooped their pants too.
Don’t be so offended by everything. Cancel culture is out of control. I’m liberal and I believe in equal rights for everyone. I also believe that if someone says something you don’t like, you can explain why to them and if they don’t understand (or don’t want to) move on. It is important to realize that just because you disagree with someone, it doesn’t always mean your right. Let people have their own opinions and just don’t associate, read, listen to or engage with people (shows, books, etc) who’s values don’t align with yours. For example: people call other people retarded all the time. Do I like it? No. Do I think it’s rude? Yeah. Do I say it? Nope. Do I teach my kids and students not to say it? Yes. Am I actually offended? No, because I words are just words and if I get mad about it, I give power to to it. I wouldn’t listen to a comedian who made fun of disabled people. I wouldn’t vote for someone who made fun of disabled people. I just don’t participate in situations where people aren’t cool with disabled people. No need to be offended.
The easiest way to be a good person is just to treat people how you want to be treated. If your about to do or say something that you wouldn’t want done or said to you, just don’t do it. Sometimes we have to handle tough situations where there is no good answer and people are going to get hurt, but just handle the situation the way you would want it handled and treat the person with the same respect you would want given and you’ll be square.
Ask questions. A lot of them. I will always ask for clarity, I will say I don’t understand something, I will ask for more information. I don’t care if I sound stupid-asking questions is literally what has made me smart and compassionate.
You do not win a gold medal for being busy all the time. The person with the most stress in their life isn’t winning. Some people have more energy than others. Some people are sick. Sometimes you just aren’t productive. Spend your time how you want to. Reading is a good use of your time. Sleeping is a good use of your time. Laying out in the sun is a good use of your time.
As long as you don’t abuse or neglect your kids, there really is no wrong way to raise them. There are some better ways than others, but regardless, it creates life experience and teaches you different skills. We need all different kinds of people to do all different kinds of things, so we need to be raised all different kinds of ways
If you think everyone is an asshole, good chance YOU’RE the asshole.
If something bothers you, either learn to live with it, or change it, but stop complaining. Obviously, we all complain about petty stuff all the time, we’re human. But, about big stuff, seriously, stop whining. Hate your job? Learn to live with it, or get a new one. Hate your living situation? Adjust or move. Don’t like the answer your kids doctor gave you? Take it as fact, or get a second opinion. if you don’t like something, do something about it, or be quiet.
Addiction is a disease. Yes, it is a disease caused by an initial choice, but no one chooses to be an addict. You can have your opinion about it all you want, but your opinion is irrelevant. It is recognized by DSM-5. Addiction being a disease is a fact. Period.
You will NEVER “get over” trauma. It’s not possible. It changes every fiber of your being. My childhood trauma shaped me into an adult, which shaped me into a mother, which shapes me as a writer. You will learn to cope with whatever has happened, but you will never be the same as before it happened. You will become disappointed in yourself if you try to be the same, because it’s not possible.
Everything doesn’t always work out. You will get pointed in a new direction and will work through it, but sometimes things are just horrible and that’s all there is to it.
NOTHING will ever be as awful and significant as losing a child. Nothing can even touch it. I feel optimistic for the rest of my life because I’ve already been to the worst place possible. I’ve felt the harshest of pains and I’m still standing. I will be OK.
Everybody feel wiser now?