Two legs
In my reality, I have 4 children. I don’t mean that in the sense that I live in lala land and I act like my son is still rolling around earth, I mean that I still, and always will, function as a mother of four. I have 4 appendages-2 arms (daughters) and 2 sons (legs) and I lost one of my legs in a horrific accident. I’m hobbling along in a world meant for people with 2 legs.
When you lose a leg, you have to figure out how to do everything differently. You can’t walk, so a crutch or a wheelchair can help. You can’t drive anymore, so you have to use public transportation or get a special car with finger controls. You’re house no longer meets your needs, you need to move. You’re job was physical, now it’s a desk job. And, if you don’t adapt IMMEDIATELY, you’ve become a drain on the system. Within a year of you losing your leg, you need to learn how to do ALL of that over again, all while being in severe leg pain, with everyone giving you really good advice such as, “you’re so blessed to have your other leg at least” or “this medication is really helpful in making you forget you don’t have a leg” or “I broke my leg once, ice and rest was really beneficial”
Everyone knows you have no leg, but they have theirs, and since most people are fully equipped with their appendages, it would only make sense that the world fits for 2 legged people. And, after a little bit of time, people start getting annoyed that you’re leg has (unsurprisingly) not grown back and can’t understand how you haven’t remastered the world yet. No one understands that you now VISIT them in the 2 legged one, but you exist on a whole different one-legged plane now.
Sometimes my life doesn’t feel like I’m missing a leg, but more like I’m a broken cog in a clock. My cog had 4 pegs and now it has 3. I don’t function in the clock anymore, so my piece needs to be replaced. I need to be put in a clock that NEEDS a 3 prong cog, because gluing one on wont work. And what’s interesting about my cog not working in the clock it’s exactly that-time has become my currency.
I miss running. I miss jumping. I miss dancing. I still do all of those things, but not in a 2 legged way. The way I “run” now would never win a race. I “jump” with my brain to reach as high to the heavens, not my legs to reach a prize.I don’t “dance” to choreography, I pound on the ground with my fists to music. The one legged way looks weird. You’re expected to put on a prosthetic and a pair of pants and do it like everyone else, even though you get blisters, back pain, and bleed.
I think of my son having to be in a wheelchair and now I’m in a metaphorical wheelchair. But, I I understand one thing is that you start looking up at people to understand them, instead of looking down, I don’t look down on a person anymore, because I know everyone is teetering on those two legs, pretending that because they can still stand, they’re taller. However, most 2 leggers are only standing because they’re wearing fake “shoes”-medications, Netflix, shopping, money, work. Those things don’t work in one legged world-a pill won’t make my leg grow back, TV is only representative of 2 legged people, they don’t sell one legged pants, I can’t buy my son back. Job’s DEFINITELY discriminate. It’s as if people are only standing because those things are holding them up.
But I try. I have to go to the 2 legged world everyday. A world where I’m told I’m undeserving of food, clothing, and shelter because I CANNOT walk on one leg, and that’s the only way to earn money. I’m told only 2 legged people are capable of being good parents. That it’s really difficult to love a one legged person, because it’s too hard to adapt to their one legged world.
I hope none of you ever have to live here with me, but I’m grateful for the perspective of looking up. And, I can get around with the support of my wheelchair, my son. And, he helps me see that standing isn’t always the best view point in the world. Different flowers grow at my eye level-so brand new colors are being presented.I’m no taller than a child anymore, now I’m “short enough “ to be at the level to absorb they’re brilliance. There’s wonderment in observing things in a light that was shining out of my vision before, but one warms me perfectly at my level now.