leveled up

Some stuff has been happening to me spiritually that is starting to make sense for me. I understand my place in this world, I understand what life is all about, I understand what Ian’s purpose was. I understand why my life has been filled with so much trauma and heartbreak. I get it. I wish I could share how I got here, and how you can get here too, but there’s only personal discovery that can do that. But what does that mean for the rest of my life? It feels like a lot of change. A lot of change that’s probably going to hurt. And here’s the thing when you start making a lot of changes, people think you are going crazy, or that you’ve lost touch with reality, or if your experience is different from theirs, that you’re a lunatic. However, in reality, that’s what people have wanted for me for a long time. People have wanted me to find peace, and I have, but it’s not the “right” kind of peace. The only peace that seems to be acceptable around me, is finding Jesus and being Christian. To my husband, it means finding peace in the exact life that exists, that spirituality is way too out there. And, I get that. The whole reason we have always gotten along so well is that we shunned religion-we always saw it as an excuse to hate others and a way to control people. And, I still feel that way, but I do grasp a bigger concept.

So, now that I’ve “leveled-up” what am I supposed to do? I’m supposed to spread love. Literally, that’s it. One person at a time. I can show by example, they way to treat others with kindness and respect. I can use my life experience to show true compassion and empathy. I can be the stranger whose kind words can change the whole trajectory of your day. I can be the teacher who shows a child that they are worthy of being cared about. And, I can try to pass on these values to my children. Every time you treat people well, it spreads. And treating people in a positive way is much more effective way to be a catalyst for good then for telling people they are wrong. For example, I can change more people’s minds about addiction by showing addicts love, then by condemning people for being human. People aren’t going to be come less addicted by telling them what they are doing is wrong and a sin. In fact, when people already feel worthless, chastising them just drives them deeper. Any time we tell people what their doing is a MORAL failure, they are just going to hate themselves, which is the exact opposite of spreading love. And tough love is still love.

There are some people that are just born evil, hateful, and greedy. Most of our world leaders actually. And maybe those are the people that I can’t spread light too. However, maybe somebody else that I spread light to is. Or, maybe their souls are just black. I don’t know the answer to that. However, just because you’ve done things that you don’t like, and acted ways you wish you wouldn’t and that doesn’t mean anything about the content of your soul. You are bright, beautiful, and loving. And the next small kind thing you do (whether it be listening without judgement, or giving a homeless person a few bucks) you could be changing the whole trajectory of things for someone. So keep doing it. One person at a time.