“Little” Brave
I’ve never considered myself brave. There’s NO WAY I ever would have signed up for the military, I’m too scared to fight a war. I would NEVER ride a motorcycle, too dangerous. NO CHANCE I could be a police officer, people will try to hurt me. I equated bravery with voluntary risk of physical harm.
When I look in the mirror, I see the face of meekness. I’m scared all the time. Yet, to my absolute astonishment, a lot of people consider me brave. If shits hitting the fan, people always look to me, and I look over my shoulder to see who they’re trying to find. I always think, “ah man, if you guys picked me to handle this, we’re in trouble…”
But I figured it out, I’m not “big” brave, I’m “little” brave. “Big” brave is the person who is willing to take on danger, take on risks, to fight to protect people. For example, a firefighter is “big” brave. “Big” brave is obvious and commendable. Now “little” brave is none of those things. Most people don’t notice, and the people that do are usually mad about it.The bravest words that have ever come out of my mouth are “No” and “I don’t care”, and people don’t like when you say those things.
“No. I’m I’m not abiding by that policy-it’s wrong “
“No. I’m not giving him that medication-it’s harmful “
“No. I don’t want to “***
“I don’t care what the doctor said “
“I don’t care if it’s illegal”(that one can be very tricky)
“I don’t care what people think “***
***the blanket statements that need no further explanation
“Little” brave is never planned. I never start my day thinking, “I’m going to fight the world and make it a better place!” No, I would prefer to fly under the radar. Actually, most days I do. But then something happens that just doesn’t make sense and I have to do something about it. I use the example of letting my PK/K students take long nap times in the afternoon, even though I wasn’t supposed to (I use this example for a lot of situations-it’s reflective of a lot of societal flaws). If I followed the rules I would have practical toddlers that were irritable and exhausted. Which is bad enough . But if these kids were irritable they were more likely to harm themselves or others and destroy property. I don’t care what the rules are. No, I will not make the students and staff be harmed to follow said rules. I don’t care if I get reprimanded-I will gladly take a write up over a chair to the head. I don’t care if I get fired-so I don’t have babies that are suffering with behavioral issues to meet your minutes. No and I don’t care.
Bravery isn’t a choice, it’s an instinct. If it’s “big” brave, you have some kind of instinct that your always going to win-a lot of us don’t have that confidence. But “little “ brave is the instinct that says “if I follow the rules, it’s going to be worse for me”. “Little” brave is working at a restaurant and giving the leftover food to a homeless guy instead of throwing it out, per company policy. “Little” brave is reading a banned book. “Little” brave is ignoring the mom you see stealing formula, even though it’s illegal, because worst case, she buys drugs to cope with sexual abuse, best case, she feeds her hungry baby.
Acts of rebellious, “little “ bravery, is what maintains humanity in a world of rules and regulations.
Am I brave for writing this blog? Just the first one. But guess what’s happened? Literally nothing bad. No one has even tried to call me a bad mom. Nothing bad has ever really happened when I’m a “little” brave. Why? Because it takes away regret. I’ve been living my whole life not to bring shame to others, and in turn was creating shame for myself for no reason. Everything has become so warped, that we have to be somewhat brave just to be ourselves. I shouldn’t have to be brave to talk about my experiences-they just are what they are.
Often I remind myself of how scared I am to stand up for what’s right. And then I think to myself, “oh shit if you (the person who will just refuse to do what you’re supposed to)are scared, imagine how scared everyone else is?” If you’re afraid to tell your kids doctor that you disagree with them, how do you think the 17 year old mom feels who thinks the same thing? If you’re afraid to tell your boss “no”, how do you think the single mom feels who will lose her house without that income. If you’re afraid to stand up to the insurance company, how do you think the person feels who can’t read the policy?
So, maybe those little acts of bravery end up doing more than the big ones.
