Hurricane Ian

So, obviously, there has to be some true cosmic connection between a raging force of nature, created by water, being hurled directly toward my house, bearing my late son’s name. (And if that sounds too “new age” for you, at least look at it as something to make you think.) To me, it was clearly too big of a synchronicity to ignore.

But, I didn’t know what. Nothing was resonating with me-I couldn’t believe it. All natural disasters are brought about to cleanse the earth in one way or another, regardless of the impact on human life. So what was I to cleanse myself of? I’ve recently let go of a lot inner hatred (doing some ice bath healing-the water irony wasn’t lost on me there either) so I wasn’t feeling like I needed to wash it away. But, I wasn’t going to waste the once in a lifetime opportunity to see if I could get that storm to talk to me.

It was storming, but not really dangerous yet, and I went out and had a pretty deep interaction with Ian through the rain. But Ian said the storm wasn’t for me-it was for my husband. Now, Brett is your typical construction worker-feelings are for lame little losers. But let’s be real-there’s a zero percent chance ANYONE who loses a child will ever have a semblance of happiness without moving through them. So this was my shot to convince him to do something, anything, to face it. A lot of people don’t like therapy (in his defense, he tried once and he got matched up with a 20 something female who had never lost a child-it was a mockery of his suffering), and medication can help, but won’t heal (which he also won’t do).

So I said, “ your son wants to talk to you. You won’t let him. You won’t do therapy, medication, or even read a grief book. But right now, I’m asking you to walk outside and just sit there for as long as you can stand it. No talking, no expectations. If you can’t walk out the door and sit in the rain to make peace with Ian, then you’ll never do anything. You will NEVER get this opportunity to face him like this again”. Eventually, he went. (Don’t be fooled-it was with TOTAL resistance, a few very loaded conversations throughout the day, and I’m pretty sure just done out of spite)

I don’t know if he felt any healing. He only would have been able to if he wanted to, I can’t actually force him. And, it’s not really any of my business what, if anything, transpired.

The point is, he did SOMETHING. That’s how to get unstuck. While he isn’t some perfectly healed anomaly, he literally (and figuratively) just opened the door and faced the storm.

Like I said, I don’t know if anything was resolved. I DO know that the storm didn’t harm any of us or even create a major inconvenience. And when the Sun came up the next day, the colors were a little brighter than the day before.

“The wave returns to the ocean. Where it came from, and where it’s meant to be”-The Good Place