Sit right

I’ve decided that, “it just doesn’t sit right with me”, is a perfectly valid reason to give for not doing something.

There’s always a reason something doesn’t feel right. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s because I have some type of experience or knowledge stored in my brain that is telling me something is a bad idea. I feel like an “elder”… I’m only 40 but I’ve experienced some shit. So yeah, I’m going to give myself permission to think I know best.

I often find myself defending myself, to myself. I criticize myself from every angle (to know what the haters will say) then defend myself, so as long as the defense makes sense to me (including the phrase “it feels right/wrong”). So trust me when I say I’ve thought everything out. This is coming after a big (controversial) decision to pull my daughter out 6th grade after a pretty intense school fight. This was the 4th “incident “ that I’ve had to handle this year (they were for various, negative instances), not to mention the shooting threats, student fights, and bullying.

Instead of doing what is “right “ (sending my absolutely miserable kid to school because school is mandatory and kids need to learn how to do things they don’t want to do) I just decided to look at her situation as if it were me (although I don’t understand her specific trauma of the death and accident, I DO understand that she is going THROUGH it right now). How would I feel going to a job where I got into 2 physical altercations in the past few months? I wouldn’t go. How would I feel going into work if someone threatened to come in and shoot us all that day? I wouldn’t go. How would I feel if my boss tried to embarrass me in front of all my coworkers? I wouldn’t go. So, if I, a full grown adult, couldn’t handle all that, why would I expect a grieving, traumatized 12 year old to do it. I wouldn’t. It doesn’t sit right with me.

And, I’ve come up to the perfect response to anyone who’s got something to say. “Oh you must have experience parenting a young adult through the grief and trauma of losing their sibling. Wonderful! I could use some tips!” Or “ you must have dealt with similar things as a child-what helped you?” Didn’t think so, move along.

I’ve had to make a lot medical decisions for Ian , and often times I’ve gone against medical advice. I listen to and respect medical advice, but ultimately if it doesn’t make sense or it doesn’t feel right, I’m not doing it. Gut feelings exist for a reason. Your brain is storing every little piece of information you’ve ever come across. The little things that you don’t notice, like the way your son smells when he’s scared, are being stored. Little things like the downturned corner of your daughters mouth, alert you the fact that she’s processing something intense. The sound your husband’s footsteps make are different depending on how much cortisol (the stress hormone) is shooting through his body. These are the nuances that activate our gut feelings. Gut feelings mean you were subconsciously paying attention. So in reality, your gut feelings are well researched decisions.

So, if something doesn’t sit right with you-know there’s a good reason. You’ve subconsciously processed and analyzed a situation that is unique only to you and your gut IS telling you the right answer FOR YOU.

If it doesn’t sit right, it isn’t right. The end.