I’m done

Here’s the bottom line: I’m done pretending, I’m done living with shame. I’m done thinking my past defines me. I’m done feeling like I’m broken, that I’m not good enough. I’m done caring what people think of me. I’ve been through hell and back and there is no way to come out of it unscathed. I’ve spent 20 years trying to be the good girl, trying to make sure that I hid what was “wrong” with me. But, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m a survivor of unimaginable things, things that could break even the strongest of people. When my son died, he took a version of me to the afterlife, and that version was the mom who went through a lot, the mom that had a lot of scars, the mom some people would call crazy. But to him, that was the perfect mom. And that is what has inspired me to share my story. I’m the exact mom my kids want me to be, because through all of my traumas, I love them and do everything I can to make their lives better. And guess what that means I have to do? Take care of my mental health. Just like a physical illness, sometimes I get sick. Just like a physical illness, I have doctors appointments and take medication. And just like a physical illness, sometimes I need help taking care of my kids when I’m not well. None of this makes me a bad parent. As moms, we feel the need to be perfect-to show everyone all the awesome things we do with our kids. But the most awesome thing we can do is take care of ourselves. I’ll eventually share all of the stories that were moments of impact in my life and how I handled them (sometimes I didn’t always make the best decisions). But most of all, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. That even the popular cheerleader, sorority girl, teacher, and great mother have real things happen and real struggles getting through them. And no matter what, we keep trying, everyday, to be good people.